Secure Love Starts Within: How to Heal Anxious and Avoidant Patterns
Some people run.
Some people cling.
Some people do both. All in the name of love.
If you’ve ever found yourself caught between longing and fear, closeness and distance, you’re not alone.
Some people run.
Some people cling.
Some people do both. All in the name of love.
If you’ve ever found yourself caught between longing and fear, closeness and distance, you’re not alone.
As a relationship coach and someone who has walked this path personally, I’ve come to believe this: The relationship you have with yourself shapes every connection that follows.
Why We Struggle in Love
Maybe you grew up learning that love had to be earned. Or that expressing needs led to rejection. These beliefs form our attachment styles — anxious, avoidant, or a mix of both.
They whisper: Don’t get too close, Don’t let them leave. Don’t need too much.
But here’s the truth: You are worthy of love that feels like home.
What Healing Looks Like
In my Relationships That Work program, I guide people gently back to themselves. Not to change who they are, but to remember who they’ve always been underneath the pain.
Healing begins with:
- Naming your patterns without shame.
- Tending to the younger parts of you that learned to survive.
- Creating safety in yourself before seeking safety in someone else.
Being at peace with yourself is the first step, so that love becomes an extension, not a replacement.
Try This Soulful Prompt
What did I need to hear as a child that I still need to hear now?
Write it down. Say it out loud. Breathe it in.
This is the language of secure love: compassion, presence, truth.
You’re Not Behind
If you’re reading this, it means something inside you is ready. Ready for a deeper love. Ready to stop chasing and start choosing. Ready to come home to yourself and invite someone in, slowly, safely, lovingly.
You are exactly where healing begins.
About the Author:
Caterina Barregar is a relationship transformation coach and the creator of Relationships That Work. Her work helps individuals and couples heal attachment wounds, cultivate emotional safety, and rewrite the story of love — one soulful step at a time.
Caterina Barregar
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