Afraid To Love? Change Your Mindset

Afraid To Love?  Change Your Mindset

Does this sound like you?  You might be sitting at home on Saturday nights instead of letting your friends set you up on a date. On the other hand, you might be on several dating platforms and meet someone new for coffee at least three times a week.

While these may sound like two opposite extremes, the outcomes are usually the same. You may have some defence systems, that keep you from developing an intimate relationship.

Before you can make a change, it’s important to be aware of how you sabotage your romantic life. Find out what’s keeping you from falling in love.

Change Your Mindset:

1. Your Past.   Think about your childhood and past relationships. Look at the defence mechanisms that you formed in your early years and are ready to drop now. Spot patterns that you want to change.
2. Accept your feelings. A fear of love often involves trying to avoid strong emotions. Remember that running away from sadness also means missing out on joy.
3. Boost your confidence. Learning new tools and strategies to raise your self esteem, will help you to feel more confident. With good self esteem, you will be less likely to feel anxious.
4. Watch your self-talk. Are you sending yourself messages that you’re unlovable?  You are the first person that should love you.  Use your inner voice to build yourself up. Speak to yourself with kindness and compassion.
5. Plan ahead. You’ll feel less anxious if you rehearse the scenarios that make you apprehensive. Practice what you’ll do if someone that you like fails to call you back. You’ll probably realize that the consequences are less serious than you imagine.
6. Appreciate your time alone. Being single is different from being afraid to love.  Love will come to you much quicker when you love your life, and enjoy activities either by yourself or with friends.  
7. Consider hiring a coach. Relationship issues can involve some of our deepest needs and fears. Talking with a professional could help you make a breakthrough if you feel stuck.  To book a complimentary session with me, go to https://caterinabarregar.com/discovery-session

Adjusting Your Dating Habits:

1. Clarify your criteria. Overcoming a fear of love requires taking risks, but you can make your odds more favourable. Knowing what you want in a romantic relationship will help you to make rational decisions and choose compatible partners.
2. Open up. Close connections are based on communication. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Start with someone safe, and move conversations to a deeper level. Talk about your thoughts and feelings.
    
3. Build trust. Maybe you find it difficult to believe in others as well as yourself. Encourage trust by developing relationships based on honesty and mutual respect. Some imbalances are natural, but each half of a couple needs to be willing to give and take.
4. Take a deep breath. Does dating make you so nervous that you start perspiring and babbling? Learning to relax will make things more pleasant for you and your dates. Try meditating daily or listening to soothing music before you leave home.
5. Double date. Have dinner with a couple whose relationship you admire. Observe their interactions and adapt some of their methods to suit your own style.
6. Start small. Meeting someone’s family may still seem overwhelming, but you can practice your new relationship skills in situations where you feel more secure. Talk about your feelings with a close friend or write them down in a journal.
7. Be Kind. Fears about intimacy are widespread, so you’ll find plenty of opportunities to help yourself by helping others. Focus on trying to help your date feel more relaxed. 

Looking for love can make you feel uncomfortable, and you may even get your heart broken. However, the alternative is missing out on the intimacy and companionship you want and deserve. Remember that you have enough wisdom and strength to develop a healthy romantic relationship.

Caterina Barregar

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