Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Is No Joke
“You don’t have to save me, you just have to hold my hand while I save myself.” – Unknown
“You don’t have to save me, you just have to hold my hand while I save myself.” – Unknown
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is no joke. When someone has gone through the unthinkable and exhibits behaviour of the trauma response, the most important thing you can do for them, let them know you care. You can stand beside them, but I recommend that you don’t try to help to the point that you loose yourself, you become traumatized, or you become the victim. They are the ones who need to choose to heal. This is their journey.
I have seen this several times with people I care about, in my own journey, and the lives of those clients who have trusted me with their deep hurts, traumas and secrets.
A person with PTSD, needs professional help. Finding the right therapist to help you can be a truly difficult experience. Once you have found someone who can address your specific trauma, and help you to heal your wounds, you will learn to speak your truth, and you will learn who will hear you, those who see the real you beyond your pain, and those who will hold your hand while you journey towards healing.
Having said that, there is a very fine line you must walk as a friend, family member, colleague, companion, lover or spouse.
You must allow the person in trauma response to do their own work, to seek out help and to navigate their world as they learn new strategies for living a life without trauma, in essence being reborn to who they are meant to be in this world.
There are people who will absolutely not get the help they need. As a coach, I know who is willing to get help, and I know those who are not ready for it. Yet. I know when I can add value to what the client is doing with their therapist. I also know when it is time to refer them on to a mental health professional.
When a person is not ready to get the help they need, they will likely end up traveling the world alone.
Physical, emotional, spiritual pain, will keep people from reaching out. It may sound crazy, but in reality they feel safer in their trauma, than they do outside their trauma.
And when you come across someone who exhibits PTSD, or trauma response, you must understand how to protect yourself as well.
The best thing in the world you can do is to let the other person know that you care. That is number 1. That you will be there when they begin or continue the therapy. People simply want to be heard, and most importantly, they want to be loved. No matter how. much damage has been done to them in their lives they just want to be loved.
The fine line we walk when we love people who have experienced trauma, is when that person is not willing to open the door to healing.
When someone chooses not to do their work, they will always be the victim to their PTSD. When someone is determined to heal, they will do whatever it takes to get there.
They will seek out different therapists, and continue to do so till they find the right one. I have had people in my practice who feel like they have lost all hope, and with their determination to live, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually, they too can live a fulfilled life.
And one day, they will be able to look in the mirror and see their beautiful soul finally shining its light. No longer will they see an empty mirror. No longer will they see a face or body they have come to hate, but instead, they will begin to see the beauty that life can offer and even more importantly they beauty they can not only give to the world but the beauty they have been giving to the world even through their darkest days. It will start small, and as it builds, the mirror will show them who they were deep inside all along.
I hope this helps someone out there. I know it has helped many that I love, and many that I have come to care about in my own practice.
Caterina Barregar
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